I still expect someone to knock on my door and say “OK, your time is up, here is Carrie back", instead of living out this Life Sentence. What I would like to do is get one of those white crosses and flowers and go and put it at the tree today. It seems to be the thing to do around this area and when I see them I personally think to myself there is some Mother that misses her Child. I think it also serves as a reminder to people to drive a bit more carefully. Carrie however died right across the road from some people we used to go to Church with and I feel awkward going to the tree. I figured it would be easier for them to just let the site return to normal and not have to be reminded of it every day.
Here lately I’ve been reminded of Carrie’s great sense of humor. I came across a Mother’s Day card she hand painted and inside she wrote, “Just think how much one of Van Gogh’s cards to his Mother would be worth today! Kinda makes you treasure this a little more! Just think how much this will be worth! An original Shoe’s Work! (They still won’t be able to pronounce Schuchs) Oh, by the way you are a great Mum. The best I have ever had…….” It is priceless now. Or the time I came into her bedroom to see her school photos and she had one framed and put on her desk and had signed it like a Rock Star or something. We laughed about it that day, saying only she would think to do something like that. I treasure that photo too. How many Mothers have an autographed photo of their child. Or the time I was looking in my address book under Q for some reason and found “Queen Carrie” written with her phone number etc.
How do I survive this grief? I try to remind myself of people who are worse off and count my blessings. I remember the Mother who lost her only child in Iraq in prayer. Life gets busy and even Mike and I don’t get around to sharing our grief with each other but for the most part we see the other one crying and we know why and we don’t have to say anything but just hold on to each other. It’s not a cruel joke, she’s not coming through that door.
3 comments:
I hadn't forgotten what today was and my thoughts and Dad's have been with you today. I reminded Dad this a.m What can we say? I felt I made a really insensitive remark when I was with you at this time last year. At the very spot I said "How beautiful" and it was as the sun shone through the shimmering leaves on the trees. I am so glad that you have had some good news this day. Love Mum.
Remembering too - and thinking about you all ...
The few times we spent with Carrie as a little girl and then at Isla's wedding were enough to let us know how very special she was.
With love,
Rosemary & Jim
4 years and I still don't know what's appropriate to say. Every time I put Mc to bed I see his Nessie and it reminds me of Kari, thank you! I know that's not how her name is spelt but everything I have with her signature on it, it's spelt that way and I can't stop.
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